God
Scripture
Faith
Homilies
A couple of days ago I thought of this passage from scripture, and decided to really sit down with it:
Many years ago, as my inline skating skills were finally starting to accumulate, I would be merrily cruising along without overthinking things. But then I would have a dawning moment of self-realization: I was actually skating! And in every single one of those instances, one of my wheels would locate the nearest rock, and down I would go.
I'm going through the same thing right now, with several aspects of my life. For the first time, I'm starting my own business; I'm attempting to overcome my self-consciousness and ego by learning to say spontaneous prayer over people; I'm about to begin college for the diaconate formation.
In the morning, I'll write a well-crafted email message to a business client; I'll write some code, and see that it works; or I'll serve at the altar; or I'll run a meeting with large groups of attendees. Or, I'll be praying over someone, and feel the Holy Spirit working through us.
I'll be doing all of these things, effortlessly via the grace of God. But then, that foul heart lurch! That tightness in the chest! That difficulty breathing! I suddenly become self-aware, and I get sucked into every anxiety.
"I'm running a meeting with twenty five people, I'm too shy for this! How am I going to support my family on my own? I'm going to trip and fall in front of all of these people! I don't know what to say to this hurting individual!" And there I go, beneath the waves. I'm not possibly talented enough, or skilled enough, or smart enough, or holy enough, to do any of these things!
I was recently being goofy with Duncan. I said "I don't believe it's actually you, I think it's a hologram." What I meant to say next was "Say something only we know." But what came out was, "Say something only I know." Being the logical kid Duncan is, he just smiled and said, "I think that's going to be difficult."
But this is what Peter does with Jesus!
Peter sees Jesus approaching on the water, and he believes so strongly in Jesus that he gives Jesus that very test: "If it's you Jesus, make me walk over to you." Because Peter knows, and truly believes, that only Jesus could make such a thing possible. If Peter thought a demon could do it too, then why would he have bothered issuing the challenge as proof of Jesus's identity in the first place?
So Peter believes that Jesus can make him walk on water. That's a great testament to Peter's faith. But then the same thing which happens to us, happens to Peter: that moment of self-awareness. Where we no longer feel God's protection. Like Adam and Eve, realizing they are naked.
In that fallen state in which we exist, in our Original Sin, we fear and doubt: "This good and fruitful thing which is happening, and happening effortlessly by God's grace-- it can't possibly be happening to me."
But after that moment when Peter begins to sink, a few absolutely critical things occur.
First and to his great credit, Peter calls out to Jesus to save him: "Lord, save me!" That's the first critical thing: that in our distress, we turn to God. The second critical thing: Jesus reaches out and takes Peter's hand. We must know that God will save us, if we ask for it. And the third critical thing: the wind ceased. When we let go and put our full faith in God, those fears and anxieties will go away.
That's the formula then: have faith, ask for Jesus's help, and know that we will receive peace.
But there is another aspect of this passage which bears careful consideration. Jesus sent the disciples on the boat, and stayed back to pray by Himself. As every facet of Jesus's behavior models for us how we should act, so too should we engage in peaceful solitary prayer.
That was sometime in the morning though, or afternoon. Jesus didn't walk out to them on the lake until the next morning! Think what a long time that is! And that whole duration, poor Peter and the disciples, being battered about on the lake! How many times may they have invoked Jesus's name during that time period? We can't know, but they probably did more than once!
The takeaway is that Jesus came to them on His time, not their time! We can't know why Jesus waited so long, who can know the will of God but God Himself? What we can see is Jesus's love for them as He gently and perhaps even playfully admonishes them after the fact, "You of little faith!" And this is how Jesus feels for all of us: pure, gentle love.
So in those sinking moments, when you become self-aware and feel unworthy of God's grace, or simply can't believe that He's made you strong enough to do what you're doing, remember that the Lord wants us to walk on the water. And He loves us the same, even when we do start to sink!
In those difficult times, just close your eyes, and know that Jesus is literally standing right there, with his hand extended.
"Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land, for the wind was against them. And early in the morning he came walking toward them on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, saying, 'It is a ghost!' And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, 'Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.'
Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' He said, 'Come.' So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?' When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God.'"
Matthew 14:22-33
Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' He said, 'Come.' So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?' When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God.'"
Matthew 14:22-33
Many years ago, as my inline skating skills were finally starting to accumulate, I would be merrily cruising along without overthinking things. But then I would have a dawning moment of self-realization: I was actually skating! And in every single one of those instances, one of my wheels would locate the nearest rock, and down I would go.
I'm going through the same thing right now, with several aspects of my life. For the first time, I'm starting my own business; I'm attempting to overcome my self-consciousness and ego by learning to say spontaneous prayer over people; I'm about to begin college for the diaconate formation.
In the morning, I'll write a well-crafted email message to a business client; I'll write some code, and see that it works; or I'll serve at the altar; or I'll run a meeting with large groups of attendees. Or, I'll be praying over someone, and feel the Holy Spirit working through us.
I'll be doing all of these things, effortlessly via the grace of God. But then, that foul heart lurch! That tightness in the chest! That difficulty breathing! I suddenly become self-aware, and I get sucked into every anxiety.
"I'm running a meeting with twenty five people, I'm too shy for this! How am I going to support my family on my own? I'm going to trip and fall in front of all of these people! I don't know what to say to this hurting individual!" And there I go, beneath the waves. I'm not possibly talented enough, or skilled enough, or smart enough, or holy enough, to do any of these things!
I was recently being goofy with Duncan. I said "I don't believe it's actually you, I think it's a hologram." What I meant to say next was "Say something only we know." But what came out was, "Say something only I know." Being the logical kid Duncan is, he just smiled and said, "I think that's going to be difficult."
But this is what Peter does with Jesus!
Peter sees Jesus approaching on the water, and he believes so strongly in Jesus that he gives Jesus that very test: "If it's you Jesus, make me walk over to you." Because Peter knows, and truly believes, that only Jesus could make such a thing possible. If Peter thought a demon could do it too, then why would he have bothered issuing the challenge as proof of Jesus's identity in the first place?
So Peter believes that Jesus can make him walk on water. That's a great testament to Peter's faith. But then the same thing which happens to us, happens to Peter: that moment of self-awareness. Where we no longer feel God's protection. Like Adam and Eve, realizing they are naked.
In that fallen state in which we exist, in our Original Sin, we fear and doubt: "This good and fruitful thing which is happening, and happening effortlessly by God's grace-- it can't possibly be happening to me."
But after that moment when Peter begins to sink, a few absolutely critical things occur.
First and to his great credit, Peter calls out to Jesus to save him: "Lord, save me!" That's the first critical thing: that in our distress, we turn to God. The second critical thing: Jesus reaches out and takes Peter's hand. We must know that God will save us, if we ask for it. And the third critical thing: the wind ceased. When we let go and put our full faith in God, those fears and anxieties will go away.
That's the formula then: have faith, ask for Jesus's help, and know that we will receive peace.
But there is another aspect of this passage which bears careful consideration. Jesus sent the disciples on the boat, and stayed back to pray by Himself. As every facet of Jesus's behavior models for us how we should act, so too should we engage in peaceful solitary prayer.
That was sometime in the morning though, or afternoon. Jesus didn't walk out to them on the lake until the next morning! Think what a long time that is! And that whole duration, poor Peter and the disciples, being battered about on the lake! How many times may they have invoked Jesus's name during that time period? We can't know, but they probably did more than once!
The takeaway is that Jesus came to them on His time, not their time! We can't know why Jesus waited so long, who can know the will of God but God Himself? What we can see is Jesus's love for them as He gently and perhaps even playfully admonishes them after the fact, "You of little faith!" And this is how Jesus feels for all of us: pure, gentle love.
So in those sinking moments, when you become self-aware and feel unworthy of God's grace, or simply can't believe that He's made you strong enough to do what you're doing, remember that the Lord wants us to walk on the water. And He loves us the same, even when we do start to sink!
In those difficult times, just close your eyes, and know that Jesus is literally standing right there, with his hand extended.