In the 2000s on Fox Soccer Channel, there was a football announcer named Christopher Sullivan. He used to describe teams as "moving the ball side-to-side... like an accordion." I never understood quite what he was on about, especially when he once substituted the word "accordion" for "octopus!" Your guess is as good as mine.

But as I was reading the introductory chapter to the awesome book "The Christological Controversy", by Robert C. Saler, Christopher Sullivan's strange simile popped into my head. The aforementioned first chapter provides a fairly in-depth overview of many of the very early Church thinkers and their views.

As I'm wont to do as I read I took down a bunch of notes, and it seemed to paint an "accordion"-like pattern to me. In the "condensed" stage, some teaching is put forth, and a sort of consensus is formed. I recall reading that in today's Church, we refer to that as the sensus fidei. But then, various thinkers will raise all sorts of objections and come to alternative conclusions. In my mind, I see this as an expansion of the accordion.

But then an Ecumenical Counsel will convene or some other major pronouncement will be made, and the accordion will contract again as the Church takes an official position; followed by divergence, then convergence, and on and on again.

One cycle like this could probably be seen starting with John 14: 6-11, where Jesus says "I am the way, and the truth, and the life", and "Whoever has seen me has seen the Father". At first blush, the reaction might be "It's strange, but I can see it, and it makes sense: God is truth, and Jesus is God, so if you see Jesus you see the Father."

As it turns out though, an explosion of all sorts of different opinions emerged! Justin Martyr took the "truth" bit and made the case that Jesus is Logos-- pure reason and logic; the means and intermediary via which God created and interacts with the world, respectively. Justin viewed Christ's relationship with the Father as a "fire lit from a fire" (Saler, Page 5).

But then came along the Monarchians, who viewed Justin's views as a threat to monotheism itself (Saler, Page 6). Or how about Marcion and the Gnostics, who made the claim that the flesh doesn't matter, only the spirit? "But not so fast", says Tertullian, who argued that the flesh itself is an object of God's love (Saler, Page 10).

Of course then there was "the big one" in the form of Arius who argued that Jesus is not fully God, "There was a time when the Son was not", and what's more that Jesus was part of the created order (Saler, 14). His pundits in turn argued that according to that model, salvation is impossible because a creature cannot save humanity!

This "peak accordion expansion" led to a "peak accordion contraction" in the form of the Council of Nicea:



This is just one example of such a "Sullivanite" cycle (accordions, not octopi!). There were many more to follow, and the process continues all the way in this present era of synodality. I'm learning that this is one of the most beautiful aspects of the Church! As the accordion expands and contracts, it makes beautiful music (well, as long as I'm not playing it anyhow).

I recently heard it said that when we say "Pilgrim Church on Earth", we mean it: the Church herself is the pilgrim! She is always arriving. I also recently heard it said that as Catholics, we would rather see the Body healed-- not parts of it amputated. Disagreements are good and healthy! Had we not Arius, we would not have the Nicene Creed.

During a recent lecture for the "History of Christianity I" course I'm taking, our professor postulated that "Rome existed to tax, and to tax efficiently; The strategy? Kill independents, find a local leader, and keep local religion alone so they pay their taxes." As Judaism was already "grandfathered in" by the Roman authorities, to members of the early Christian Church, the question of whether Christianity was a new religion or simply an extension of Judaism was quite literally a matter of life and death!

What was their view?

A few of the texts we've been assigned so far-- "The Martyrdom of Polycarp" [MP], "The Passion of the Holy Martyrs Perpetua and Felicity" [PF], and Justin Martyr's "The First Apology" [FA]-- seem to supply a ready answer: even allowing for some degree of selection bias-- these are, after all, recitations about and from martyrs-- early Church adherents seemed to view their religion as something new. And in fact, they appeared to believe this so strongly that they took grave risks in an era where perceived disobedience to the emperor and the Roman gods demonstrably resulted in a one-way ticket to the amphitheater, for a date with a lion!

In Chapter 4 of "The First Apology", Justin pointed out that the Roman disposition towards Christians involved not investigations into the virtue or vice of the individual accused, but rather a blanket "conviction" based on the "Christian" title alone. Because the verdict was not based on evidence, he pointed out in Chapter 8 that "it is in our power, when we are examined, to deny that we are Christians..." In other words, if Christians weren't serious about their beliefs, the loophole to avoid conviction was so large as to be preposterous; recant and be spared.

Even right up to the moment of execution, the proconsul gave Polycarp repeated opportunities to simply step right through this simple escape hatch! This can be read in full detail in Chapters 9 through 11 of "The Martyrdom of Polycarp". Polycarp had every chance to say, "Apologies for the misunderstanding", and be sent on his way.

The same pattern repeated with regards to Perpetua and Felicity.

Over and over again, Perpetua's father asked her to deny her Christian beliefs, appealing to the difficulties it would cause him, her baby, the family, and so forth. Although he was grief-stricken, he evidently believed in the efficacy of "offer[ing] sacrifice for the well-being of the emperors" (PF, Chapter 2) and other similar about-faces by his daughter, to the authorities.

Perpetua even gave her father the analogy of a pitcher: "Can it be called by any other name?", to which he responded "No." Her reply: "Neither can I call myself anything else than what I am, a Christian." [PF, Chapter 1] She did not say "a Jew", or "a Roman"-- she specifically emphasized that she was Christian; something new, and different.

These are just a few examples from the readings, there are many more besides such as the lengthy discourses Justin provided to the authorities, carefully laying out distinctively non-Jewish precepts such as the Trinity (FA, Chapter 6), albeit he does often frame these ideas within a Jewish framework to cooperate with his audience's existing understanding; or the wild appeals to the crowd which Saturus made, and the manner in which he implored the guard Pudens to be "confirmed", as the former handed the latter his blood-soaked ring [MP, Chapter 6].

While not exhaustive by any measure, this should suffice for now as at least the beginnings of an argument. God bless!

I'm so proud of my daughter, Henrietta-- she is a very deep thinker with a rich inner world.

She is at the local college taking classes via PSEO, and her instructor asked the students what they thought was the nature of being human. Henrietta-- who is quite shy ordinarily-- raised her hand and explained in fairly great detail what she saw as a dual-nature: intellectual, and biological. She said the teacher was so excited by this response that she spent the next twenty minutes of her lecture addressing it.

I posited to Henrietta that she missed a third element: spiritual. Every human being who has walked the face of the Earth has at some point felt the need to address questions larger than themselves: "Why am I here?", or "What is the meaning of all of this?" All moral codes derive from a spiritual need to know what it is to be human.

In terms of taxonomy, I gave her a model of what I called "positive" and "negative" frameworks.

Negative frameworks would be those that do not obligate their adherents to any specific sort of action towards anyone else in order to live a moral life. An example would be Libertarianism: don't hurt anyone else, and you are ethical. Or Buddhism: meditate inwardly to achieve enlightenment.

Positive frameworks do obligate their adherents to positive action towards others. In Communism, one must turn over one's property to the group. In Christianity, one must actively perform works expressing love of God, and to try to get others to love God too, for the salvation of souls.

I also asked her to noodle on this question, and to get back to me: "Can one know every thing in reality via the five senses?"


Catholic Pokémon

I read "The Martyrdom of Polycarp". I sort of thought his name sounded like a Pokémon-- so on a whim I asked Copilot, "If Polycarp were a Pokémon, what would he be?" Click to view the full-sized image:



Loving what I saw, I then asked it to generate Pokémon for the three clerical orders of Diaconate, Presbyterate, and Episcopate. As before, click on these to view the full sizes:







I think it would be fun to generate a whole bunch of these-- maybe religious sisters and brothers next? Or Legendary Pokémon, along the lines of the Polycarp one? It's such a fun convergence of the Faith and video games.


St. John's

I'm running out of time for blog post writing for the evening, but I have probably ten posts worth of knowledge to share, just from my first week at St. John's! I also want to walk around the campus and take lots of pictures.

I did snap a couple of pictures of my room, viewed from either direction. Click for full-sized versions:





I'm not entirely sure, but these rooms may have been cells in which the Benedictine monks lived? My room is a bed, a desk, and a sink. I absolutely love it! Even the bedspread is this kind of coarse linen with a very unique texture. Even just that aspect of the experience has been incredible.

For those of my new friends who are reading this, you have been so incredibly kind to me-- I feel so blessed and overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you! One of my new friends is in fact a Benedictine himself: I asked him if I could visit the monastery one day, if I promise to try my best to not interfere.

I will write much more as the days and weeks progress!

My deacon mentor recently gave me an article about the four dimensions of diaconal formation. In my previous post, I wrote about how the first three-- human, spiritual, and intellectual-- flow one from the other, and lead to the fourth one, which is pastoral.

The author of this article adds additional clarification to my understanding: he describes how the first three really integrate with each other: for example, if one was pursuing human formation without spiritual, it would be more like a simple "self help" program and someone would wind up "like the guy in the TV commercials."

He also mentions that Matrimony and Holy Orders are the two Sacraments which make us "community organizers", hopefully able to lay down our lives for the salvation of others. I paused at this part initially, but as I reflected on it more it made sense: a family-- husband, wife, and kids, are essentially "little communities"; and of course, a deacon is called to serve as Christ in the parish and broader community.

The author warns though: while service is critical, it must be mission-oriented for us to be "envoys of the bishop", as he puts it. My sense is that it would be like serving in a soup kitchen just to feed people, versus serving in a soup kitchen to lead others to God.

On an unrelated note, I read through some "digital literacy research tutorials" for St. John's, and I felt myself getting emotional just browsing through their library catalog. To think I have access to all of this-- I could spend lifetimes studying and teaching others with just a subset of this knowledge!

They even have entire video sets! I just about lost an evening in a "History of Baroque Music" documentary; after ten minutes I had to force myself to close the tab. I'm so grateful to God for giving me this opportunity to learn, so I can teach others and help them grow closer to the Lord as well. What an almost unfathomable blessing!

For those who don't know, I will be starting my "Master of Arts in Ministry" classes at Saint John's School of Theology and Seminary on Monday. My friend Dan and I carpooled to the all-day orientation today, and it was such a positive experience!

The other students in the orientation were amazing, and I got this overwhelming sense of welcoming, humility, and warmth from all of the staff, including several who will be-- in one case, very imminently!-- future teachers of mine.

One of the things they had us do was fill out an inventory, to help us establish a baseline for the four aspects of ministerial formation: human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral. They operate in roughly that sequence: grace was described as "building on nature"-- so human formation raises our capacity for spiritual attunement.

In turn then, encountering Jesus as the image of the Triune God through spiritual development opens the door to the requisite humility required for intellectual growth: there is always someone smarter than us; how will we be equipped when such a person has a more sensible position than ours-- will we able to learn from those around us graciously?

Finally, all three of those feed into pastoral formation. I have often wondered at examples of great pastoral leadership both in my own community and elsewhere-- now I'm just beginning to understand the recipe which forms such wisdom.

We were given this incredible metaphor of the Church being like a river, with two shores. On one shore, one might have "Jesus is fully divine"; on the other, "Jesus is fully man." It is important for us to reconcile even such difficult concepts by flowing with the Church in our understanding, versus getting beached on the ground. Simultaneously, we mustn't form a rivulet by digging our own trench away from the river.

Another take-away from that inventory: I knew that there was a vast ocean between where I am in knowledge, and the whole body of theology, Church doctrine, and so on. The intellectual part of the inventory questions followed roughly this format: "In your ministry, do you perform some function X by leveraging understanding of theological concept Y."

Maybe I had heard of a tiny smattering of those ideas-- obvious ones, like the Trinity. But I quite literally had never even heard of most of those terms, much less knew what they meant. My knowledge deficit isn't an ocean: it's more like the distance from the Earth to the Sun!

As I have time during this very busy month ahead, I will try my best to describe many of the things I learn so that all of you can be on this journey with me, and hopefully also grow closer to God by knowing Him better.

I was playing some "Metroid Prime 4" on Switch 2 today, and decided on a whim to snap a few screenshots. On my TV-- an LG C3-- I don't think the game in motion is that far off from a PlayStation 5 title, when you take the 120 Hz and HDR into account.

Click on any of the below for the full 1080p images. The game also has a 60 Hz 4K mode, so bear in mind that the below aren't even as good as the title can actually look in still images-- if I really wanted to show off screenshots, I would have the game in the resolution mode.

But I'm a sucker for 120 Hz in any game which supports it.











Otherwise, having one of those days where I'm sort of "running out the clock" until bed time; had one of those nights where I could tell I was only half asleep the entire time, so I feel worse than if I had just never gone to bed in the first place.

I have a busy next several days!

Tomorrow it's my first deacon mentor meeting in the morning, then in the evening the Knights are honoring me along with my friends Dan and Adrian for pursuing the diaconate. I'm continually floored with humility that God has opened the door for me to potentially serve as an ordained minister, when I can think of a hundred men more qualified than me.

On that note, I'm kicking off the next steps for my liturgical involvements, getting on the schedule for extraordinary minister training and altar serving at "the big church in town." The only way to get over that intimidation is to march right on through it, just like anything else in life.

Tuesday night sees a Pastoral Council meeting, while on Wednesday night I'm running the Liturgy Committee meeting. Thursday, I will be at St. John's for an all-day orientation, from early morning until late in the evening. Then on Friday there is a Zoom-based continuation of that orientation.

Saturday I will be most likely hanging out with some great friends of mine from the Twin Cities, who will be up here to visit. Then on Sunday I am sacristan at Mass. And then on Monday, classes start!

The commercial in this post is fun to watch, in a wistful sort of way. I wasn't born until 1981, but I remember what the world was like not long after this advertisement was run, so I have first-hand witnessed what has essentially been a total collapse of the Western world.

It is still ongoing, and it is accelerating!

Remember when 32 gig. of DDR5 was less than a hundred bucks? Remember when gas was just a couple of dollars a gallon? Remember when your grocery bill was half what it is today? Or when you could eat at a fast food location for five bucks? Remember when you could apply for three jobs, get three offers inside of two weeks, and get to choose among them?

That was just a few years ago!

In my twenties and thirties I spent a ton of time learning about economics. Long-time readers of my old blog, "Exigent Duality", will remember those days well. Everything the Austrians predicted has come true. Here is an article which was in my news feeds this morning, explaining why people aren't having kids anymore-- do the factors sound familiar?

Going back to that 1979 car commercial: people will say "Yeah, but adjusted for inflation those cars were expensive!" They are forgetting that people had almost unfathomable purchasing power back then compared to today, given their wages. In the 1970s, my grandfather bought a corner lot on a parkway, built a 3500 square foot house on it, and sent several children through private schools-- moving furniture.

Try moving furniture today and affording even a tiny studio apartment, much less owning a house or buying plus insuring a car-- much less having kids! There is also the general-- excuse the mild vulgarity-- "enshitification" of things: shrinkflation gone wild; Flock cameras everywhere; major websites covertly spying on you; and so forth.


A Constructive Framework

I saw this quote in the Archbishop's mailing list recently: "Google tells me that the Polish equivalent of 'holy cow' remains 'Swiety Jacek z pierogami'-- St. Jacek and his pierogi!" Maybe that needs to be my new catchprase?

I read "Benedict's Rule" for the first time a few nights ago. I am going to try incorporating several elements of that into my daily life and structure. I'm someone who is unusually dependent on structure and predictability anyhow, so "The Rule" seems like something which could be of huge benefit to me on multiple levels.

After all, he describes "The Rule" as the "guide in our search for God." It's always good to have a guide!

One key lesson which is repeated over and over is to not "murmur". Apparently, the translation is from "murmuratio": the Israelites to Moses, is the perfect example. "Not murmuring" isn't just an outward, juridical thing: it requires inner assent and obedience. Meanwhile, obedience and love are expressions of one another: obedience is a sign of love, and love leads to obedience.

Concretely and in a monestary, this means obedience to the Superior. For me as a potential future deacon, it will mean obedience to my Bishop, vicariously through my Pastor. But moreso, it means obedience to God's design in every moment.

Another cool thing in "Benedict's Rule" is hearing him describe Liturgy of the Hours so precisely, in the 500s-- it's so close to what we do today, and from now on when I pray the Office, I will reflect on just how long people have been participating in pretty much these identical prayers.

Discipline is described as "demanded reasonably for the correction of vice and preservation of love." It is said that although discipline can seem harsh, and the road is narrow as Jesus Himself explains, all discipline must be in the service of prudence and charity. There is a quote about not wanting to break the vessel when removing the rust.

A recurring theme is how much compassion is given to those who have "weak constitutions" or other limitations. On the one hand there are often-severe punishments for breaking the rules. But on the other hand, great efforts were made to accommodate different persuasions.

For example, when discussing the provisioning of goods, "It is on those grounds that the superior should take into account what is truly necessary for those who suffer from an individual weakness." Or with regards to kitchen duties, there is a passage explaining how work should not create distress, and that roles should be shuffled around so this does not become the case.

As someone on the Autism Spectrum, this allows me to give myself additional grace: God wants us "free from sin and safe from all distress". Moreover, it gives me the confidence to ask for accommodations in the workplace: I am justified by God in asking for those things.

There is lots more I could write on the subject, but one final thing for now: Lectio divina played a huge role in monestary life, but not just when reading Scripture: also when reading Church fathers, or even classic literature-- there was a strong emphasis with connection and reflection; how is God using what I am reading to draw me closer to Him?


Amusements

For the first time in some weeks I actually managed to post a couple of game reviews! Check out the 'Wharf for my takes on "Grandia" and "Skald".

I also took the "EA Sports FC 26" current player ratings for what will likely be Lazio's starting line-up this season. Good enough to avoid the drop? On paper I would say this is a solid mid-table Serie A team. But as we saw during much of last year with Fiorentina, what's on paper and what happens in practice are two different matters entirely.

Somewhere around 1996, my paternal grandfather was cleaning out his closet and ran across his original 640K IBM XT clone which looked very similar to the real deal. He gave it to me, along with an ancient EGA ISA card and EGA monitor-- I had so much fun with that thing!

It was surprising how well 1980s DOS games ran on it; titles like "Maniac Mansion" or the DOS version of "Megaman", or text games such as "ZZT". There was even this untextured polygon science fiction tank game which had surprisingly steady performance on the 8088.

Funnily, after I had installed the EGA card I could smell burning: I immediately flipped the PC off and realized I hadn't seated the card all the way! The slots from the very early 1980s were much less reinforced than something like modern-day PCI-Express; things were a little wobbly or "mushy"; no affirming "clicks" or other feedback.

Not to mention, motherboards of that era-- and even well into the 90s-- had a good half-dozen dipswitches you had to have set correctly, otherwise you'd fry the whole thing! Plugs were also not dummy-proof, so you could definitely connect them in backwards and short everything out that way too.


Metaphors

If (God willing) I do go on to ordination one day, and (God save us) I am preaching after that time, I think I will use a lot of metaphors. It's so much easier to understand something by way of analogy or mental picture!

The danger with metaphors: there is that concept in philosophy where "the thing" and the understanding of "the thing" in our minds are obviously not the same; fidelity to the truth is lost. This point was well-illustrated by an old friend of mine who used to say, "All models are wrong; some models are useful".

Further, during a homily the metaphor-- already imperfect in the deliverer's mind-- must be communicated to the congregation. Playing "telephone" adds a second layer of risk. A third layer of risk is that the subject in homiletics is often God, who is intrinsically incomprehensible.

But, if the metaphor is carefully thought through, the concessions as to its accuracy are clearly explained, and it is framed by adequate context, I think they can be a powerful catechetical tool.

Another thing related to homiletics I've noticed is that the subject matter often differs between roles. In my parish, our pastor gives pastoral-oriented talks, since that's his role! "What messages do I need to communicate to shepherd my flock in the correct direction?" It could even be encouragement to participate in a bake sale, if that's what's required at that moment.

By contrast, our parochial vicar leans more towards Theology and Scripture analysis, how to spiritually orient oneself towards God, and how to apply those concepts practically.

Our deacon then leans into the relatable: "I once saw this movie, maybe all of you saw it too, where this character..."-- he bridges (minister of the threshhold) complex Theological concepts with humble references people already know and understand.

Some of that is personality-oriented; but I also sense there is some degree of "staying in one's lane", especially when it comes to someone like myself who will be preaching as a deacon. I have both "intellectual" and "analytical" in my top five "Strengths Finder" traits, so a risk for me is to be too abstract in my homilies. I think simple, practical metaphors can go a long way towards mitigating that risk.


Mantova

For those who don't know, Lazio got knocked out of the Coppa Italia by a mid-table Serie B team yesterday in the preliminray round. They will now only be playing in Serie A for the next nine months.

I've been watching Lazio for twenty-two seasons, so I've seen some "clunkers"-- yesterday's game was rock bottom: the single-worst Lazio performance I've ever seen. They didn't get knocked out as in "dominated the game but got unlucky": no, they looked like a third-division side from the first minute to the last. A casual observer would have thought Mantova was the "bigger" team.

The stadium was almost completely empty, except for a section into which they hard corraled two thousand traveling supporters. All one could hear through the entire game were those fans; it felt like an away fixture. And that will be the case literally the entire season: no home games, so-to-speak.

The players themselves looked leggy and exhausted. Zaccagni didn't play a good game the entirety of last season, and he looked just as terrible yesterday. Coaching-wise, Gattuso reminds me of Igor Tudor: one of those coaches who focuses on motivation, but with almost zero emphasis on tactics.

Lazio couldn't even pass the ball properly without turning it over, and they were completely outclassed by a team where the most expensive player was worth two million EUR on the market-- I had checked them out on "Transfermarkt", and they reminded me of the old "NSC Stars", pre-Minnesota United era.

We are at serious risk of relegation this year. I'm not sure from where forty points will be acquired. Even teams like Udinese sound like terrifying opponents at this moment. We need a striker, and we need a central defender, ASAP.

I learned a new word last night: kenosis. I thought to myself, "Sounds sort of like gnostic"-- I was on the right track, as kenosis is also related to our understanding of Christ's divinity.

Catholics believe that Christ voluntarily took on the limitations of man, including birth, but without suffering the consequences of the Fall. Jesus had no Original Sin, in spite of the fact He became incarnate.

Before the Fall, Adam and Eve suffered no disease, no decay. But after the Fall, they were subject to predators, sickness, death, and the emotional and psychological loss of their former state. They keenly and acutely felt the tear in their relationship with God which their sin had created.

So while Jesus was man, He was more like Adam and Eve before the Fall; His nature wasn't fallen, so he was immune from decay and death. Additionally, there was no loss of relationship with the Father, given that Jesus Himself is one person in the Triune God.

Kenosis. What's also cool is that this understanding is compatible with the notion of the hypostasis.

I was also reading about today's Saints. Before imprisonment, Hippolytus sounds like he was some kind of Catholic Alex Jones-- I can just see him throwing chairs, "The devil will not win, I'm sick and tired of this crap!! Satan! Today I am declaring myself the anti-pope! Raaaaaugh!"

It has to be said, "Maximinus Thrax" sounds like some kind of character out of the "Mass Effect" series! Or some kind of pro-wrestler! I can see the t-shirts: "Mess with the Thrax, and you'll pay the tax."

Finally, the eagle-eyed among you may have noticed the new "Catholic Reading List" menu item above! My friends Sam and Jayda have been assembling reading list PDF files-- I used Copilot to OCR them and translate them to HTML. There's enough reading material on there for multiple lifetimes I think.

Be forewarned: there will possibly be a flurry of continued Frank Sheed posts over the coming days and weeks as I resume studying his material. Don't say you weren't cautioned!

In the section I read last night, he explained that we have our natural lives, and our supernatural lives. Our natural lives are our base state, while our supernatural lives give us capabilities above and beyond.

For example, in Myers-Briggs terms I am a very pronounced INTJ. I have taken and retaken the test probably two dozen times over twenty years, and have always gotten the same result. Note the first letter: "I". "I" is for introvert. The opposite pole is "E" for extrovert. I universally test over ninety percent "I" when answering the questions open-mindedly and honestly.

Naturally then, I am very shy and need significant recharge time after social engagements. When God asked me to enter the diaconate formation, I had a bit of a wrestling match with the Lord: "I literally can't do this-- it is beyond me in terms of capability."

This is because I was only taking my natural life into account. A previous boss of mine liked to say, "God doesn't call the equipped; He equips the called." And this is what happened: God's grace extended my capabilities via a supernatural life.

I have a very dear friend who was a NET minister. She said she didn't even know what town they were in, or what day of the week it was, or which church basement floor she was attempting to sleep on. Her natural self was one hundred percent spent physically, emotionally, and mentally. And yet, month after month she was able to pour herself out for the kids on the retreats. It felt like a miracle-- because it was. She told me, "It dawned on me one day that the strength was not coming from me; I had nothing left to give."

Think of Peter: he was a humble fisherman. How in the world could he have the incredible eloquence and ability to proclaim the Gospel message he demonstrated as the rock of the Church?

From a personal testimony side, during these TEC Retreats I have been participating in, I am going on four hours of sleep and am in a non-stop social setting for multiple consecutive days, yet am absolutely in my element; how? When I minister at funerals, I am surrounded by grieving family; when I was chairman of the Pastoral Council, I ran every meeting and made it a point to have 1-1 telephone check-ins with the members.

This was all made possible because God, through His sanctifying grace, was giving me supernatural capabilities to fulfill these functions. Imagine it like a bar chart: the bottom part is our natural life; the supplementary bar on top of that is our supernatural life.

Frank Sheed provides the metaphor of a jar containing cream. The cream is God's sanctifying grace. When Adam and Eve sinned by eating from the tree, the jar fell and got a crack in it. So, God needs to continually fill us with His grace due to the crack.

I mentioned this metaphor to my mother-in-law this morning, and it really worked for her. When I hear "Mike, you are broken" I take that as a logical statement: having a crack is a state of being broken-- so the language works for me. But for her, that language felt too personal: "Didn't God make me who I am? I'm not broken..."

The jar imagery gave her another way to look at it: "I get it now! And because of Original Sin, the crack will never disappear from me here on Earth-- but God's grace could at least potentially make the crack smaller over time as it operates on me. Then in heaven, the crack will be gone."

Taking the weekend to relax was hugely beneficial, I recommend it! Jesus often went off on His own for periods; as He modeled all things for us, so too did He demonstrate the importance of taking time for solitude and personal prayer with the Father.

Recently, I saw a short video clip of someone questioning Sacred Scripture, citing numerous quotes from the Old Testament to make the "God is cruel and insane"-style connection.

Just like how Paul tailored his message in his various letters, so too have God's interactions with humans been carefully-- perfectly, actually-- crafted to fulfill the giant love story arc that is His Providence. Jesus becoming incarnate in 4000 B.C. wouldn't have allowed for God to lay all of the foundation through prefigurement, the prophecies, and so forth. The Father had to pave the way for the Son.

In other words, it wasn't time yet.

This fellow raised the objection, "But God created the universe itself, so couldn't He have made it time? And why would He punish someone for a sin He already knew they would commit?"

An important thing to remember is that God loves us so much He gives us Free Will. By definition, love is something freely given. He could snap his fingers and make us robots who automatically "adore" Him-- but that isn't love. We get to choose, but our choices are ultimately baked into His plan, from before time began. The two concepts aren't mutually exclusive.

He freely provides His grace, mercy, and forgiveness to each and every one of us. And He will work through us in unique ways, just as He worked with humanity differently in ancient times versus today. But it is up to us to choose to have that relationship with Him.

I got in a few hours of grant writing this morning, trying to catch up on having missed so much time last weekend and week. Feeling like the application I'm working on is really coming into shape.

I hadn't watched a KJ Ozborne video in quite awhile, the shipping container part at the 17:50 mark here reminds me of the basement arrangement Duncan and I have! It's not fancy or pretty, but we can exercise, we have electricity, we have a bathroom, we have a little hot plate and microwave air frier combo, a little fridge and freezer, and so on.

The initial house addition investment was expensive, I probably couldn't afford to do it in 2026. But back in 2021, the proceeds from my Twin Cities house paid for that-- zero debt from the project. Cost me next to nothing to put together the basement part, and I have no mortgage payment as I co-own the property outright. I even have a little garage outside for my car, so it doesn't get hailed on. It's not perfect, but it is economical.

I sort of feel like I need it now, with how expensive everything has gotten. I have absolutely zero clue how I would be surviving right now if I actually had a mortgage payment. The kids would have to go into a public school or something because we would need two full-time income earners.

On a different note, things are so bad right now with Lazio that it got me reminiscing of "the good old days", barely more than just five years ago when our team had about double the quality it does now. Somehow I had that insane Correa goal in the Coppa Italia final pop into my head, so I went and looked it up.

Ellyn and the kids have frequently been going to Mass at "the big church in town" on Saturdays, since it lines up with Henrietta's work schedule. Since I'm going to Mass alone on Sundays then, I've been serving at the altar even when I'm not technically scheduled, so we can do candles during the processions and Gospel reading. It's cool to have three servers.

I have literally everything muted today, and might tomorrow as well. I've been spending on average about eight hours of socializing per day for the past several days, so taking this weekend to have some alone time to collect myself, and pray. Might play some video games this afternoon too.

I had the most wonderful conversation with my youngest brother last night, discussing Christianity. He's a real brainiac, very well-read, and I always value his impressions.

In a nutshell, he was bringing to light many of the terrible things Christians have done in the past: violent impositions of their will. While there is "those who do not know the past are doomed to repeat it" value, my counter-argument was that if one evaluates the Gospel message and finds it to be true, then the past is one big non-sequitur.

If I've concluded that Jesus is who He says He is, and He tells me to perform great acts of charity in His name, should I not perform those acts in His name because a Christian missionary murdered someone a thousand years ago?

The Church herself would condemn the sins of that missionary. My brother brought up Augustine's "just war" theory; beyond the importance of Pastoral context, it's critical to look at what the Church actually teaches regarding war and violence.

Augustine can be a brilliant and very holy man, and simultaneously in error on specific things. Wedding oneself to every syllable simply leads to sycophancy, closing our minds to potential truths. Pope Francis said all sorts of weird things off-the-cuff, but he also did have a unique dispensation of grace by virtue of being Pope.

Both things can be true at the same time; it's not "all or nothing", which is why the Church teaches that even Popes are fallible. One of the beautiful things about the Church is that she is continually adjusting her teachings to more closely align with eternal, revealed truths.


More Frank Sheed

How about this formulation (in my own words)?



Or this one?



I ran that second one past Ellyn last night, and she laughed out loud: "Talk about cutting off one's own nose to spite one's face!"


Today

Going to continue working on some grant work for the incredible non-profit I am helping. I have a phone call set up with my aunt. I've also been continuing to network, and have built some amazing, probably life-long connections. All of you are real blessings! I also might squeeze in some more "EA Sports FC 26" on the PS5 Pro, and "Metroid Prime 4" on the Switch 2, if I have time. Plus continue "Theology and Sanity."

I went to another TEC retreat this past weekend, and if anything it was even more astonishing than what I wrote about here! I can't encourage everyone to go to TEC enough. I feel like I made some life-long friends this weekend, I will be reaching out to you via email very soon!

One of those new friends, Sam, has inspired me to pick up Frank Sheed's "Theology and Sanity" again, after having stopped reading it maybe a year ago. He and I are also going to work on a project to digitize a massive book list which he's obtained through a connection of his-- we will post that book list online once it's ready.

On another Faith-related note, I'd seen this in my news feeds before I left. TEC-- "Together Encountering Christ"-- has a prison ministry parallel program called REC-- "Residents Encountering Christ." I think part of my ministry as a deacon, starting way before ordination but continuing after, will be heavy participation in both TEC and REC.

As many of you doubtless know, my dad was incarcerated at some point in his past, and God's grace has been moving him to such an astonishing degree that he is now buying groceries for homeless people and having random strangers in public giving him hugs for being so kind.

I was reading one of Paul's letters the other day-- I'd need to check my notes to remember which one-- and Paul, of his own spiritual transformation, explains that God chose him to make an example for others: "If God convert Saul, the worst dude you can possibly imagine with so much blood on his hands, then imagine what He can do for you?"

As Christians and indeed Catholics we are a people of hope, and that hope extends to all of us, no matter what is in our past.

Unfortunately I'm feeling a bit under the weather and am going to lay down for a bit-- I think something other than just the Holy Spirit may have been circulating this past weekend. God bless you all.

I've had a somewhat flat spiritual affect lately, if that makes any sense. I don't feel any further from God, if anything I feel closer to Him than ever. I took this odd feeling to prayer and realized that this new way of being for me-- focusing on the needs of others-- has become so engrained in me, that I'm not having to consciously focus on it anymore.

In other words, it's a sign of progress, not a regression. It's like that time many moons ago when I had to drive in a blizzard. My entire mind had to focus on the conditions, versus the mechanical operation of the car. And that was when I realized I could finally drive a manual transmission subconsciously.

On a spiritual note, one can do a pilgrimage right here in Minnesota! One of the locations is the seat of the Archdiocese, the Cathedral in St. Paul. That is where my dad goes to Mass-- so he could satisfy one leg of the pilgrimage every week.


EA Sports FC 26

I've been playing the "Manager Career Mode" on my PS5 Pro off-and-on since it came out last fall, just chipping away towards a complete squad renovation and promotion-from-Serie-B campaign with Pescara. I did indeed get them promoted, and also won the Coppa Italia. Which means I will now be in the Europa League, on top of Serie A and the Coppa.

In the few transfer windows I've had with them, I've been painstakingly working the transfer market, wheeling and dealing like I've been doing in franchise modes since NFL 2K1 on the Dreamcast. I'm at the point now where every single player in the squad will be rated 80-or-higher once they achieve their maximum potential.

Not only that, but I selected each player to be a perfect fit to the tactical system I utilize. A couple of the players are "fake" Primavera youngsters: "de Vries" who has a max potential of over ninety, and "Leone" in central defense.

And I still have almost eight million in transfer kitty left, plus the wage wiggle room to sign probably one more high profile youth target. The first picture is my starting team; the second is essentially an entire second, backup squad; and the third picture is the note taking system I use for all of my planning in games like these.

Click on any of these pictures for a larger version.

I've been holding off because sporting news tends not to age very well, but I'm in such a state of utter confusion regarding Lazio right now that I feel compelled to write down a few of my questions:

• Apparently even if Romagnoli winds up staying, we can't afford his 2.5 million EUR wage. Lazio's revenue was published in a recent article: it's been more or less stable for several years in a row. Not growing, but not diminishing either. How could we afford a team just a few years ago, full of players with 2.5 million EUR wages and higher-- heck, even Pellegrini makes 2.4, I think Ciro made 3.5, similar with Sergej-- and now we can't, when the revenue is the same?


• Why is there zero communication coming out of Lazio? What is even occurring at the club? Who knows! Lotito was confronted at the Reggina press conference-- why he's buying or allowed to buy a second team when he's running the first one into the gutter is another point-- and asked a question about Lazio; his reply? "I'm only going to talk about Reggina." And what happened to Fabiani? Is he even alive? He hasn't issued a statement in forever! Doesn't Lazio have an actual communications person, or can they not afford any staff anymore?


• How in the world was Lazio allowed to slip into this limited market state again? They are the only team in Serie A with market limitations. Who manages the finances at Lazio? Do they have an accountant-- even a college intern who knows how to use Excel? It's beyond my comprehension.


• Why are Lazio not playing any friendlies? They are playing only against their own Primavera team, and some local outfits. Was it a lack of ability to organize such matches-- like, does the team have actual staff anymore? Is it because they literally can't afford plane flights? Is it because they don't want everyone to see how bad the team is, even though that will get revealed when actual league play begins? And with zero communication coming out of the club, it's not like anyone can ask and actually receive an answer.


• Why has the league not intervened? I know it's not like American sports-- in Italy the teams aren't franchises. But if I were the league's president, my hair would be on fire at the notion that one of the supposedly most recognizable teams in my league were about to play an entire season in an empty stadium. How is that a good advert for Italian football? I would be applying maximum pressure to Lotito-- "This needs to be resolved, I don't care what you say, things can not move forward like this. I will begin to sanction you in every way within my power to do so."


• Why have we sold umpteen million players over the past two windows, plus had millions in contract expirations, yet almost none of that money has been reinvested? We sold Castellanos and Guendouzi for a combined sixty million EUR-- and we bought Ratkov for 13 I think it was, and Taylor for 15. Where in blazes did the rest of that money go? Did Lotito steal it? Or do we have extraordinary, massive debts which aren't being revealed?

I was asking Copilot if there was any precedence for any of this, in any professional sport, in the history of Earth. It could find isolated instances of some of these things-- like, "well this team played one game without fans one time"-- but nothing even approaching what is happening at Lazio. It's almost like the club is defunct and totally financially insolvent, but somehow it's being kept secret, even though the team is traded on an exchange.

In that vein, is Lotito going to get arrested for cooked books? I'm wondering who even works at Formello-- is there a staff remaining? I would love to know what's happening between closed doors, because from the outside I can't make heads or tails of any of it. I think if I were to describe this to people outside of Italy who don't know the news cycle, they wouldn't even believe me.

Who is running the daily operations at Lazio? Anyone? Because it kind of seems like no one is home. And when there is a dearth of communication, that leaves a data vacuum into which peoples' worst fears begin to flow, including my own. The only positive conjecture I can make is that Lotito is in the final stages to sell, which is why he's not investing any further money. That would fit the evidence, and I can only hope.

A lot of you have asked me with regards to the diaconate, "What is formation?", and "You have to go to school, right?", and "How long will it take before you are ordained?" All great questions, and ones I had as well, as I was discerning regarding whether to apply!

Formation means just like what the word implies: to be formed-- but not just formed in some random direction; there are four areas of formation on which the program focuses:

• Human: This includes things like emotional maturity and stability, ability to relate to people of all stripes, self-awareness, and effective communication skills.
• Spiritual: This dimension involves depth of prayer life, an understanding of Christian theology, and ability to discern vocations.
• Pastoral: This includes leadership potential, service to the community, collaborative abilities, plus pastoral sensitivity and compassion.
• Intellectual: This involves the application of theological knowledge, Biblical literacy, the ability to learn, plus critical thinking skills.

How Formation Takes Place

In no particular order, one way is through school: at the end of August I will be starting class for the Fall semester, at St. John's School of Theology and Seminary, with the objective of obtaining a "Master of Arts in Ministry" degree. My personal goal is to complete this program in four years: one class each semester, plus one class each summer. Because almost all deacons are married plus have families and careers, school is very much a part-time thing.

Logistically, my "Area Catholic Community" and my Diocese split the tuition and book costs. They have rooms one can rent for a ridiculously low price; my plan is to "Zoom" into my Monday-and-Wednesday mid-day class on Mondays; to drive down for my Tuesday evening class; to sleep over night at the school; to study all Wednesday until 13:00, when class on Wednesday starts; then to work my career on Saturday-- i.e. Sunday and Wednesdays will be my "weekend".

But there is a ton of flexibility with classes, and you have a wonderful advisory team who will help you plan your route through the program.

A second way formation takes place is pastorally. I was already doing much of this prior to any kind of diaconal discernment: I serve at the altar; I am a sacristan; I am a lector; I run the liturgy committee; I am strongly integrated with my church community; I do volunteer service work; I help people with their own discernment in life by trying to be a good listener, and supplying whatever meager spiritual advice I can, etc.

For me personally, my next steps are to learn how to be an extraordinary minister, to start doing ministry at "the big church in town", and to formulate what "my deacon things" will be. I am part-way through the road towards prison ministry, and I also enjoy catechesis so may be helping teach at OCIA classes. I think I have partially-latent charismatic gifts, which I would like to explore. And I am also starting this wonderful business, to serve all of you, who are in turn serving others!

But for men just starting out, they will be asked to start upping their involvement, under the supervision and direction of their pastor. So don't worry if you are just getting involved-- that's what the program is for!

A third way formation takes place is via trusted counsel. Discernment doesn't just mean "do I apply for the program or not"-- rather, discernment is the label applied to the entire journey! Just as is the case with priests, many men who begin formation discern out of it part-way through, due to a wide variety of possible circumstances. On the journey you are accompanied by a Spiritual Director and a Deacon Mentor. I was very blessed to already have a Spiritual Director, and a dear friend of mine is a deacon, so he gladly agreed to be my mentor. But there are resources to help you find both of those people, for you!


What a Deacon Does

Going into Vatican II, there were various clerical orders-- acolyte, lector, and so forth-- not to mention priests and bishops. These were changed up a bit-- now there are three ordained orders in the Church:

• The Episcopate: Bishops. They shepherd the flock, and are the spiritual descendents of the Apostles, having had apostolic authority delegated to them through the ages.
• The Presbyterate: Priests. Since a bishop can't pastorally serve a huge flock by himself, he has priests to help him.
• The Diaconate: Deacons. They have a primary two-fold purpose, which deserves its own paragraphs below since this is the subject of this blog post.

The two primary functions of a deacon are to be Christ's hands in the community, and to be what is often called "a minister of the threshhold".

There is some debate about the etymological root of the word, but it is often said that "diakonia" means "service". Either way, if you look at the "we don't have time to wait on tables!" origin of the Diaconate, in Acts 6, you can see the way largely painted as to what deacons should be doing today: serving the community, and helping the pastor with spiritual and administrative tasks.

The second function involves the fact that, unlike the other two ordained orders, deacons are almost always married with kids. So they have one foot each in two different vocations: that of the ordained, and that of consecrated married life. As such, they are community leaders and liaisons of a little bit different flavor than, let's say, a priest-- making the diaconal office distinct.

The re-institution of the permanent diaconate order at Vatican II was extremely contentious. One of the main arguments was, "We already have laity serving the poor! So now we're going to ordain non-celibate men to... work at soup kitchens, or something?"

What has emerged in the many decades since then is this answer to that question: many people-- laity, deacons, or otherwise-- obviously have charisms; gifts of prophesy, healing, speaking in tongues, or whatever it may be. A charismatic, let's say, might be engaged in healing at a ministry event-- but when he is out grocery shopping, he is not probably engaging that charism.

The difference with deacons is that it is a permanent state: no matter where the deacon is, he is always a deacon-- once he's in, he's in, and no matter the setting everyone recognizes his permanent, clerical condition as an ordained minister. This is part of the special grace that flows through ordination; if ordination did not dispense special graces, then why would we ordain bishops or priests either?

Hopefully this helps explain things a bit, but as always please do send me further questions or thoughts. God bless!

Duncan, Henrietta, and myself spent part of the afternoon discussing metaphysics and proofs for God's existence. They didn't like my "tree-and-seed" metaphor on these grounds: "What if the universe is infinite? Just an endless series of 'Big Bangs'? Then there is need to explain an origin."

In other words and after a lot of discussion and banter, we posed this hypothetical to ourselves:

1. The universe always has been and always will be; it has no beginning or end. No need to explain a creator.
2. There is a perpetual force which operates on its own motive power. Being perpetual, it also has no creator.
3. All other motion in the universe is driven by the force in bullet two. No need to attribute some other force.

There! Does this not eliminate the necessity of any argument for God? The universe is self-sufficient on its own.

Then Thomas Aquinas figuratively walked into our conversation: "Cool story bros! So if you had to name this thing in your three bullets, what would you call it?" I don't know, maybe Fred? "Neat! Good name! Can I propose a different word?"

"How about God?"

• Acts 17:28: "For in Him we live and move and have our being."
• Colossians 1:16-17: "In him all things hold together."
• Hebrews 1:3: "Sustaining all things by his powerful word."

Perhaps my favorite part in all of Scripture-- I actually got to read this at Mass once; when Moses asked God what He should be called, God replied: "I am who am."

Aquinas was simply recognizing a phenomenon which so obviously exists. It's helpful to apply some handle, so we can then discuss it using language. But then you marry it to Scripture, and it becomes apparent that this phenomenon is God-- why not just use that as the handle?

In the Catholic faith the tabernacle has the "alpha" and "omega" symbols on it. We also have the "Gloria Patri":



And the Eternal Rest prayer:



These things make a lot more sense after today's conversation.

I have such a difficult time getting into praise and worship music, because musically it bores the heck out of me. The lyrics are great, but the compositions are so basic, and in genres I don't enjoy, that I start zoning out in seconds. I want to like it, but it's uphill.

I decided, "Why not look up the best Christian power metal bands, and see if there is anything good out there?" I started with the consensus best band, and that band's consensus best album: "As the World Bleeds", by "Theocracy". I gave it two full listens-- how does it stack up against my favorite albums of all time?

On the positives, I'm happy such an album exists. Lyrically it's incredible, teaching the kerygma and brushing on proofs of God's existence. Also, the vocalist is probably in the top ten percent of all power metal singers I've heard: he has a wonderfully clear voice, can project, and has a good falsetto.

The problems come in musically, where it seems like the talent levels are just sort of-- as the kids would say-- "mid". I've spent the past twenty six years listening to the genre, and "Theocracy" are probably in the bottom quarter in terms of compositionally quality. I find myself continually frustrated with their chord progressions, for example, where they will get so close but then "miss it" part-way through. Interest will start to build, then it will go sideways, and I almost want to shout, "No, no, no! That's not it!"

There are some guitar solos, but they are-- again-- pretty basic; probably just a limitation of the guitarist's talent. Overall, "As the World Bleeds" is definitely listenable-- it's not bad-- but it's way off the pace of even the bottom albums in my top list.

The journey continues! I'll try another band soon, and give things another shot.


Random Game Musings

Back when they were brand new, I played all the way through the two "Metal Gear Acid" games on the PSP probably ten times each-- I had them both completely memorized. I ran across this yesterday, which follows the exact same gameplay formula. It's called "Hard Edge"-- I might give the game a look, even though the presentation looks a little cheap.

This video is a fun exploration of why the writing is so bad in video games-- why it has that "Marvel" thing going on, specifically. It's often said that modern games are designed by the accounting department, but it's even worse than that: the actual game developers are the accountants, so-to-speak. The part about the lead game designer on a major project, who quite literally can't imagine things in his brain, planning the title in a spreadsheet is very sad-- yet doesn't surprise me either. Total dearth of creativity. "Let's min-max profit ROI instead of making art."

Finally, I thought this was cool. I don't think it'll ever catch on, but it does paint a picture to me that though Steam is a DRM platform, the way it's designed is more robust and portable than the competitors. On that note, I've been playing my OLED Steam Deck quite a bit lately, it's fabulous. I waffle on whether I enjoy it or the Switch 2 more.

I thought this article was interesting. In my twenties and thirties, I studied the social "sciences" and economics very heavily. Here, we see the research of Richard Easterlin discussed. It has to do with the concept of "cohorts": small "cohorts" result in a worker-starved job market, so wages rise rapidly, people get married younger, have more children, and so forth. This then creates a large cohort, which causes a tighter labor market, and the cycle repeats back the other way.

In the 1980s, America was due for another baby boom due to a small cohort-- so, this would have made Gen X'ers like me, and older Millennials, the parents of that boom. US immigration policy however turned the small cohort into a large one, and we are still feeling the ripple effects of that now-- or perhaps especially right now. I have a friend who took a year to land a job at McDonald's; another has applied to two hundred and forty warehouse jobs, and not landed anything yet.

Some of my very dearest friends are from other countries-- shout out to all of you, by the way, I hope things are going amazing! But all of you, my friends, did things the right way: you respected the fundamental dignity of the people, God's beautiful sons and daughters, who already lived in the destination country by submitting paperwork and going through the proper channels. If I were moving to your country, out of love for you I would do the same in reverse.

For people who are legitimate refugees, Jesus's heart pours out for you. Never hesitate to reach out to me and others for prayer requests, or whatever help you need.

But also please follow international law: God put us on Earth to create order, and international law is very clear that refugees must carefully make their way to the very nearest safe country. In this way we can happily and joyfully welcome you into host nations in an even, sustainable way; this in contrast to large caravans passing through myriad safe nations to overflow a single host nation-- or even worse, dangerous dinghy rides, in direct violation of said law, when a safe country was nearer.

If you are in the United States illegally, please do cooperate with customs officials, though it may create hardship. Americans have big hearts, but taking illegal actions is going to harden the hearts of the general public, and create tension plus division. To customs officials, although you have an often thankless and dangerous job, never forget that the people you are apprehending are beloved children of God. Be firm but also compassionate; do your job with the right intentions in your hearts.

To politicians who are deliberately facilitating floods of false refugees simply to dilute the native populations' voting bloc and so consolidate your own power and wealth out of ego and greed, you must cease these activities at once. This is my constructive appeal to unity-- that we all work together as one big global team, subjected to God's will, to bring about the Father's kingdom here.


Formulation

Many of you know I was away from the Faith for over twenty years. During that time I called myself an atheist, and an anarcho-capitalist. Primarily, what brought me back to the Lord was a series of things people said to me in passing, but which planted seeds. Over time, God grew those seeds within me until they reached a critical mass, which I could no longer ignore.

God worked through me in the only way He knew would work for me. Here are some of those formulations. I can dive into these in greater detail in future posts, but for now perhaps they can be a prompting for further research from anyone who may read this:

• We can't know God exists; how? Die and come back? Even Saint Faustina who would literally see Baby Jesus on the altar during the Eucharist had doubts, her entire life. Faith isn't knowing God exists: rather, it's an Occam's Razor game. If you tell yourself you don't "believe" because knowing is your bar for belief, then you will never "believe".


• "Religion is just a coping mechanism for society." Maybe for some. But even if that were true, it's a non-sequitur which does nothing to explore the truth of Christian claims.


• The stakes are too high to simply coast by and not give serious thought to the question of God. What if the Christians are right? For people in this phase, my advice: every day for thirty seconds, get down on your knees and ask God to reveal Himself to you in some way that you will believe. You might feel silly, but I don't care that you don't think He exists: just do it anyway. What will it harm? It costs thirty seconds and four calories.


• You already believe in Dark Matter and subatomic particles. You already make a zillion assumptions about things you can't prove. Again, Occam's Razor.


• Evolution conflates two different things: yes giraffes with longer necks reproduce more, but the math doesn't work for a fish to have become a cat by random mutation. It would be like wind blowing rocks into a perfectly-drawn and shaded Mickey Mouse face on the beach. It could have happened by chance, but it's much more likely that something designed our reality and everything in it. Everything in our universe looks like it was painstakingly engineered-- because it probably was.


• Where did a tree come from? A seed. Where did the seed come from? A tree. Where did that tree come from? A seed. Where did that seed come from? A tree. Where did the first tree come from? It's an infinite recursion problem. Where did the Big Bang come from? Another Big Bang? Where did that one come from? You run out of origins. Almost certainly something was a "first mover" with no point of origin.


• Why the Christian God? Jesus was a real historical figure. Historicity validates the events and places in Scripture. Jesus performed a gazillion miracles. How? Via what means? Again, Occam's Razor: could have been magic? Or fairy farts? But given the preponderance of evidence from so many facets all at once, it's reasonable to assume that Jesus's powers came in the way He said they did. Like, he literally told us.


• So why the Catholic church? Apostolic succession. You can't delegate a right you don't have-- but you can delegate a right you do have. Jesus delegated His authority to Peter, then on down the line to Pope Leo. Tongues of fire came on the Apostles, they laid hands on others, passing the Holy Spirit torch all the way to our present-day Bishops.

Hopefully these things can stimulate thought for those of you struggling with your Faith, so you don't need to take the same circuitous multi-decade route I did!

All four of us got back yesterday evening from the Rochester Steubenville conference, wow was that fun! It was very similar to the phenomenal NCYC: lots of great music, Mass in a stadium-style environment, Adoration, Confessions, and so on. Thanks Cassie for taking this picture of us!



I have been praying for a long time now for Henrietta to be able to make more friends in our geographic area. In the answer to those prayers, one of the girls on our trip essentially embedded into our family, I felt like I had another daughter for the weekend. What a blessing!

One of the coolest parts was the way the conference ended: in front of the thousands of us, amidst the colorful bright lighting and high-decibel worship music and all of the excitement, one group at a time they invited those who wanted to be baptized but who hadn't been already, to come up to the stage; then those discerning to be Religious Sisters; then finally, those discerning to the Seminary.

One of "my guys" from when I chaperoned at NCYC last Fall, and who was also on this trip, bravely went down to make public his discernment to the Priesthood. We were all so proud of him, it was very moving. We also had another, younger member of our group who had not been baptized, and he also went down during that section.

I encourage anyone and everyone to go on these trips. For anyone young reading this, you will be transformed, the more you expose yourself to these experiences, if not immediately on the very first one. And for you adults, do volunteer to go as chaperones! You can model for the kids what it means to surrender to the Holy Spirit, and you yourself will also be transformed by God's grace in the process.

Anyhow, I'm off to a business-related meeting in town imminently, God bless you all.

I really enjoyed this episode of "Pints With Aquinas". It's good for Catholics to express concerns and questions in honest conversations like this, especially where the participants are able to challenge each other, and not get defensive or angry. God gives us the ability to reason; it's far better to talk to one another and work things out that way, than put up walls to divide us.

This was a timely podcast for me specifically: I was very recently in a setting where I had well-intentioned concerns with regards to the way the Holy Mass was conducted, with regards to respect for the Eucharist. I am a huge supporter of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal, but I think we need to be careful about introducing those elements to the Mass itself.

If do go on to become ordained as a deacon one day, I would be happy to lead or help lead charismatic prayer events, under the supervision of my pastor-- but my personal view is that most of those elements should be in a context separate from the Liturgy.

I recently had dinner with a wonderful lady-- if you're reading this, hello and God bless!-- where we discussed the Tridentine Mass, and the growing role of officially-assigned "chaplains to the Latin Mass" in so many dioceses across the country. She asked me what I thought of it, and the Latin Mass in general.

Oftentimes my personality is tempted towards "this or that" thinking-- but as time passes my inclinations have shifted towards "this and why not that too?" This has opened my mind to exploring things I probably wouldn't have considered before.

I told her that, as both the Vetus Ordo and the Novus Ordo are canonically valid rites, why not make a "big tent" where we can? Our goal is to make saints out of everyone: if the Extraordinary Form brings some people closer to God, while a more contemporary Mass draws others still closer, why not support both of those options?

Another aspect is, there is wiggle room within the rubrics for just the Novus Ordo: I went to the Chrism Mass at the cathedral in St. Cloud two years ago, and they literally had trumpets blaring; incense filled the whole church; the opening procession took probably twenty minutes, there were so many priests and deacons there.

That wasn't a Latin Mass-- it was a Novus Ordo! Meanwhile, in my Area Catholic Community, we are very reverant towards the Eucharist and use chants-- but we also mix in some more contemporary music, with a pleasant mix of piano and acoustic guitar.

I remember Dave VanVickle once joking, "At Exorcism-educational events half of the people are charismatics while the other half are 'tradcons', and it's funny watching the two groups nervously backing into each other." His point being, we have far more in common than we have in difference.

Finally, they discussed Pope Francis in the podcast at some length. I remember the first time I heard him say something that seemed to be perhaps not quite fully aligned with official Church teachings-- but then I did some research, and learned that what the Pope says is only doctrinally binding under very specific circumstances. I may not be using the exact correct terms here, but it's close enough to get the sentiment across I think.

Put another way, the Pope is human just like us, so we shouldn't overreact. That probably goes for my Liturgical concerns as well: we should never forget that the Holy Spirit is orchestrating and guiding all of this.

Looking forward to my chiropractor appointment tomorrow-- I missed last week's, and this many days without an adjustment really starts to take its toll. I've also had a pretty nasty headache three days running, wouldn't surprise me if it were related to my neck and my scoliosis.

I also got my first pair of bifocals a couple of days ago. They are the graduated kind, and I have mixed feelings. On the one hand it sure is nice to be able to lector from the ambo without taking my glasses off! But on the flip-side, I feel like I'm constantly having to adjust my head upwards and downwards to get things clear, no matter what I'm looking at.

I got almost two and a half hours of REM sleep last night, which is an all-time record in the years I've owned my Apple Watch-- and still woke up exhausted. I think with the radical changes having taken place in my life over the past several weeks, my brain is requiring a lot of recovery time to process everything.

Been playing more "Grandia" on Saturn. As much as I loved my Sega Genesis growing up, and as much as that platform and its games basically formed my taste in not just games but aesthetics for my whole life, I think the 32-bit hardware is my favorite. It's everything that gives the 16-bit consoles so much charm, but amped up to eleven.

Take "Grandia", the characters and enemies all have zillions of colors, and frames of animation drawn from each angle. What's more, everything is rapidly rotating and scaling around the screen. Just look at there the battle paused here, and admire that scaling and sprite detail:

"Never become so heavenly that you're of no Earthly good." I can't recall where I heard that. It was very recent, but I forgot the context.

About twice a year I remember one of my dreams. Last night was one such occasion. I was standing in a garden in the black of night, looking through the open door of a church. The interior was that of my home church. It was dark inside, other than the two altar candles and the sanctuary lamp.

Suddenly, I saw a thurible floating through the air on its own, leaning back on its chain, fully-extended. I watched in shocked disbelief.

It floated up the main aisle, then censed the altar several times. After that, it levitated upwards then began violently striking the sanctuary lamp, causing the latter to swing backwards sharply and repeatedly, illuminating the sanctuary in a wild manner.

At that I snapped awake.

Just want to drop a super short post for now to say "hi" to everyone! I've been in back-to-back retreats these past two weekends-- they've been such incredible experiences that my gratitude to the Lord and to all of you is beyond words. God bless each and every one of you!

For those of you who have not gone to a TEC retreat, I can't recommend it enough. It was an astonishing experience!

I've been writing a lot of correspondence this morning, and am going to spend the rest of the day playing Forza Horizon 6 on PC, Grandia on Saturn, and Metroid Prime 4 for Switch 2, which I ordered at a huge discount during Amazon's recent sales.

One thing I've increasingly noticed is that God wants unity, while the Evil One wants division. Love is both a reciprocal act-- meaning, it requires at least two persons to exist-- and a unifying act, in that it draws and ties the persons involved into communion with one another.

God models both of these things for us.

The reciprocation part is easier to explain, so let's start there. He is three persons so that love could exist even "before time began", so-to-speak. He also created us so that He would not only have this additional way of expressing His love, but so that His creation-- us!-- can love Him back.

How does He model unity then?

While God is three discrete persons, the three persons of God share the same nature, or essence. All three persons are perfectly omniscient and whole: none of the three has something the others don't have, because that would imply that something is lacking in the others.

In other words, God models perfect communion-- a communion born via the exchange of love.

Being imperfect, we can't model God exactly in this regard. It is impossible for us, due to our fallen natures, to share natures: as humans, each of our essences has a one-to-one relationship with our person.

But God doesn't expect of us perfection! That's why He's infinitely merciful and just. He loved us so much that He sent his Son not just to die for our sins, but also to model for us, in the flesh, how to think, act, and behave.

So the three persons of God set for us a mode we should emulate, a way of being we should emulate to the maximum extent to which it is possible given our humanity.


Communion in Society

God gave us a most incredible gift in Free Will. Love, and the communion which is a manifestation and consequence of that love, is a voluntary act.

Purely voluntary political ideologies and economic systems which tend towards common purpose and shared sacrifice are the ones which will enable us to most closely emulate God. Conversely, those realities which lean into atomization will take us and our society further from God.

The very operating principle of Karl Marx was class conflict: dividing everyone into two competing camps. "Woke intersectionality" takes Marx's model and pumps it up with steroids, formulating dozens of groups, and pitting them all against each other in a perpetual power struggle.

These models have nothing to offer us, other than hatred, intolerance, and never-ending infighting, in a Godless culture.

It must also be said that voluntary societies, such as those based on free market principles, can run aground if not rooted in the humility and sacrifice Jesus exemplified for us in the Paschal Mystery.

While the Lord sanctifies our labor and wants us to put our best selves forward to glorify Him, "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" can and often does tempt people to ego and lack of humility: to put everything on their shoulders-- rejecting communion with both others, and most of all with God.


Communion as Church

"Catholic" is derived from the Greek word "katholikos", which means "universal". It is not a coincidence that Duncan and I chose that very term as the first word for the name of this blog.

God created His church on Earth so that we may all be members of the Body of Christ, each performing distinct and equally important functions based on the charisms He has bestowed on every one one of us.

God also created family, right from the beginning: from Adam God created Eve; God bestowed on His creation the ability to pro-create; and from this ability-- an act of communion in and of itself-- Adam and Eve brought Abel, Cain, and Seth into the world.

Father, mother, and children.

Like our own families, Adam and Eve's had brokenness and sin: the side effect of their decision to go against the will of the Father. But God made good from it: through the genealogy came descendants leading all the way to Noah. Ultimately, through God's continued acts of providence came our entire story of salvation through Jesus.

It's no coincidence that the same forces promoting "intersectionality" very often encourage us to disassociate from our families, and to practice a disposition of zero-tolerance for those who disagree-- as opposed to dispositions of understanding and reconciliation. It's also no coincidence that Satan's favorite tools of depression and rumination serve to turn us inward and so to atomize ourselves.

God wants His church to be the organizing principle of love and communion on Earth. And He wants husbands and wives to be fruitful and multiply. God gave us a small slice of His power: the ability to create new life. We should treat this special, most sacred gift with great respect.


Communion and Joy

Communion brings with it great joy. We have all felt this with our brothers and sisters at our churches, or when spending time together with much-loved family and friends.

The opposite is true when we feel isolated, or that this communion has somehow eluded us. We feel despair, despondency, even depression, or worse. In those moments it is helpful to reflect on core truths:

• God quite literally never leaves us: even in the most dire of circumstances imaginable-- people conscripted into hard camp labor, for example-- He and His light are always there, beside us and within is.


• Things of this world are axiomatically ephemeral: only God is eternal. So as people come and go in our lives here on Earth, take solace in the fact that the creator of the universe is within you, and always-- always, unceasingly even!-- wants you to talk to Him; to share all of your troubles, your joys with Him.


• If we are acting in accordance with the Lord's will, then He will take care of us and our needs! You must truly believe that, and never forget it! Repeat it like a mantra in your head. Pray: "God, please provide for me." Then when He does, give him praise: "God, thank you for having provided for me." Use this virtuous cycle to increase even further your own obedience to His will.


• When feeling isolated, not only cling to God for that much-needed hug, but recognize and praise God that He has granted the isolating party Free Will. Although they are causing you distress now, pray for them to feel that unity with God which you feel. We can get "out of our heads" by focusing on the needs of others, even-- or especially-- those who have caused us discomfort.


• Hold up your loneliness as an offering to God. This can and should be done in private prayer, naturally! But it especially can be done during the summit which is the Holy Mass, during the Collect-- early in the Mass, when the priest says "Let us pray", we are invited to offer up our intentions. Not only that, but during the Eucharistic Prayer we are called to put on the altar our joys, sorrows, and whatever else is in our hearts, as a sacrifice.


• Enumerate those with whom you do feel communion, starting with our Lord and Savior. Perhaps in writing them down, you will realize just how large that list is! Work to make those bonds even stronger; offer prayers together with them, on behalf of those who are causing you and others to feel estranged.


• Estrangement is like a bastard sword; dual-edged: it harms the other party as much as it does you. Or perhaps it harms them even more, since by engaging in estrangement, there is a likely possibility that they have interior "blocks" preventing them from fully receiving God's grace. This is a sad state, for which we should offer our prayers and support.


• Continually remind yourself that God works for good in all things. We can't fathom God's providence since we are not God. But if we set ourselves in a disposition of gratitude, we will see the Holy Spirit moving in everyone around us, at all times. God grants all prayers offered with intentions aligned to His will. As we know He wants communion, our prayers can efficaciously invite and lead the estanging parties back into the fold, in whatever mysterious ways or timelines the Lord knows will be best for them, and for us.

May the peace of Christ be with you always!

The diaconate retreat this past weekend was incredible! It took place at an abbey built by Benedictine monks back in the 1950's. You can see a full video tour here so I didn't bother taking pictures of things they do much better on their website.

But nonetheless, here was my room! Click on any of the pictures in this post for full-sized originals:



The whole place still had a lot of original, or very old, fixtures and things which I loved. Even the little fan in my room was clearly from the 1970s based on its style. The showers were communal, and had this very old looking pale green floor tile. Each stall had two shower curtains, so you could get undressed without anyone seeing you.

The first morning, I struggled to get warm water out of the shower head. I looked at the brand, and it was literally the original fixture from the 1950s. It said: Hydapipe "64". And yes, the "64" was in quotes, haha, boy did I get a good laugh out of that. Was it an N64 game, or a Phantasy Star reference, or both? And why was it "hyding" the warm water from me?

Lining the hallway were some amazing paintings. The first one below is, subjectively, probably the coolest painting I've ever seen-- but the others are neat as well:







A video game like Streets of Rage 2 transcends the medium, because while it has amazing art, music, and gameplay, put together it's also making an expression which is even greater than the sum of its parts. That's what I think about those paintings above. They aren't just well done, like "Gee that's a really nice mountain you've got there"; while that's undoubtedly true, the works as wholes go way beyond that.

The third and final shot below shows outdoor Stations of the Cross via these trails they cut through a nearby copse of trees. One of a million significant moments of this retreat for me came from the deacon who led us through this path: he put so much emotion into the prayers that at the thirteenth station, when Mary holds Jesus's body in her arms, he was completely moved to tears and had to frequently pause to collect himself.







Liturgy of the Hours provides such a nice cadence to communal life, now I understand why monastic communities use it: off on our own, waking up, but then gathering together as what felt like a brotherhood for morning prayer; then off on our own, but coming together again to pray and eat breakfast, or lunch; then off on our own, but all together again for evening prayer; and so forth.

From the minute we new guys walked in the door until the minute we left, all the other men had taken us under our wings. I had so many special interactions, so many beautiful conversations, I was telling Ellyn last night that I didn't even know where to start in explaining all of it.

But one I do want to mention here specifically for the people at my church who read this blog: I've received such an unbelievable amount of support, joy, and affirmation from all of you; God bless you all for that! Part of the reason for the excitement is because we are all one big family, and as family we celebrate each other's blessings.

An equally if not even larger aspect of the excitement though has nothing to do with me specifically: rather, it has to do with the legacy of who I suppose one could call my predecessor!

Our church hasn't had a "regular", "here every single weekend" permanent deacon in many years-- so people are hoping and praying that I can help bring that aspect back! We have had my wonderful deacon mentor, Tony, there to help bridge that gap which is a real blessing-- but like many deacons, he is very much divided between our multiple churchs. Mathematically, we simply need more deacons to go around.

But back to the story: there was a deacon at this retreat who looked so familiar-- I kept looking at him, and I felt like I'd seen him a hundred times before; I was right on the cusp, but couldn't quite grasp how I knew him. Finally, on the second day of the retreat, it dawned on me. In excitement, I sent an SMS message to my good friend Dennis, who knows just about everything about the history of our church:

"Dennis, what was the name of the last permanent deacon we had?" Within minutes Dennis replied, with pictures. And then I remembered: "the picture of Fr. Mark's first Mass, in the basement." The deacon was in that photograph.

This particular man had to partially retire early due to the onset of a significant health disability, so I wasn't sure when I would see him next at the retreat. I prayed to the Lord: "Please let me come into contact with him, I want to talk to him." I left my room, went down the stairs-- and within seconds there he was, right on cue; Deacon Stan.

I immediately followed him into the church for morning prayer, sat down next to him, and had a wonderful conversation with him. He affirmed to me how beautiful his time was there, how wonderful you all are, and that he misses you!

The 86 and I are leaving on a big road trip to South Dakota tomorrow for the annual, all-weekend diaconate retreat for my diocese! I've heard the place we're going is absolutely beautiful, and very relaxing. Great for prayer and reflection.

We're having Mass all three days, and people weren't really signing up for the ministries. So it looks like I'm lectoring both Saturday and Sunday. If that holds, Sunday will be the first time I will be a minister in a Mass presided by a bishop, which is kind of cool.

I also had a few video game screenshots sitting around just waiting to be shared. The first one is an astonishing example of what hardware ray-traced global illumination and reflections can get you: Forza Horizon 6 with everything maxed out on PC. The other two screenshots are from the Switch 2, in docked mode. Click on them for full versions.







I'll probably be staying away from technology during the weekend, but if I get a chance I'll take some pictures and share them when I get back. Otherwise, God bless!