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I survived! Or at least I think I did. The diaconate psych eval is complete!
As is the pattern for everything I've been worrying about my entire life, this event was absolutely no big deal. I had a brief interview with the psychologist, a super nice lady named Emily, then spent the next two-and-a-half hours answering almost eight hundred true and false questions, on bubble forms with a Ticonderoga number two pencil.
The test questions were a weird mix of Myers-Briggs, Big Five, psychiatric, moral outlook, and physical ailment-related inquiries-- ranging anywhere from "I often have ringing in my ears" to "I frequently feel shame from abuse I suffered as a child" to "most people will steal and lie if given the chance." Such a hodge-podge!
I answered everything honestly, but made special effort to answer in the affirmative to the small handful of sleep and anxiety-related ones. I actively want to get flagged for those issues, to prompt an open dialogue between them, and me-- I want us to work as one big team to discern whether I can "do this" or not. I'm using the tests to facilitate that conversation.
Unlike perhaps most men who start to discern down this path, my concerns aren't so much about being a deacon itself-- of that, I know I'm being called, and I have very little doubt that I'd make a good deacon in pretty much every sense of the word, after the many years of their superb formation program. My worry, rather, is how the heck am I going to get through school with my insomnia issues?
I also was up front about my autism spectrum stuff with the psychologist, and she didn't seem concerned about that at all considering I'm high functioning, have been married for a gazillion years with two wonderful kids, in a successful career for decades, and so forth.
One other thing of note was just how affirmational these tests were. Ten years ago I would have answered things way differently than I did today. I have such a happy outlook on life, on others, on... pretty much everything compared to even my thirties, much less during my twenties.
Now tonight I can get a super nice night's sleep! I haven't had a good night's sleep since last week.
As is the pattern for everything I've been worrying about my entire life, this event was absolutely no big deal. I had a brief interview with the psychologist, a super nice lady named Emily, then spent the next two-and-a-half hours answering almost eight hundred true and false questions, on bubble forms with a Ticonderoga number two pencil.
The test questions were a weird mix of Myers-Briggs, Big Five, psychiatric, moral outlook, and physical ailment-related inquiries-- ranging anywhere from "I often have ringing in my ears" to "I frequently feel shame from abuse I suffered as a child" to "most people will steal and lie if given the chance." Such a hodge-podge!
I answered everything honestly, but made special effort to answer in the affirmative to the small handful of sleep and anxiety-related ones. I actively want to get flagged for those issues, to prompt an open dialogue between them, and me-- I want us to work as one big team to discern whether I can "do this" or not. I'm using the tests to facilitate that conversation.
Unlike perhaps most men who start to discern down this path, my concerns aren't so much about being a deacon itself-- of that, I know I'm being called, and I have very little doubt that I'd make a good deacon in pretty much every sense of the word, after the many years of their superb formation program. My worry, rather, is how the heck am I going to get through school with my insomnia issues?
I also was up front about my autism spectrum stuff with the psychologist, and she didn't seem concerned about that at all considering I'm high functioning, have been married for a gazillion years with two wonderful kids, in a successful career for decades, and so forth.
One other thing of note was just how affirmational these tests were. Ten years ago I would have answered things way differently than I did today. I have such a happy outlook on life, on others, on... pretty much everything compared to even my thirties, much less during my twenties.
Now tonight I can get a super nice night's sleep! I haven't had a good night's sleep since last week.