I just wanted to write a super quick blog post letting everyone know that my interview with the diaconate panel yesterday went pretty ok. They've probably already written their recommendation to the Bishop one way or the other-- but the Bishop is out of town for a couple of weeks, so I won't know the ultimate outcome for perhaps some time.

It's pointless to speculate. It's fully been in God's hands all along-- any control I've tried to exert over the process was and is purely illusory. But now, I have also ended my role of offering input into that process. Now, it is just time to wait.

The panel interview revealed the exact same shortcoming within me that I've been working so hard to eradicate. During the interview I fell into my "know-it-all, let's show off all of this knowledge I have" mode. I've always been prone to this, as was my grandfather, as was my dad when he was younger. It comes to the fore for me especially when I'm fatigued, which I most certainly was yesterday.

I was reading and praying tonight, and had this old-but-always-funny joke pop into my head: "Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this." Doctor: "Then don't move your arm like that."

God loves me beyond all of my ability to measure. Ergo, He wants what's best for me, and has given me a suitable nature. The nature which God has given me is that of a student-- I love to listen to and learn from others. Conversely, I can't stand how I feel when I've been a show-off.

"God, it hurts when I'm an arrogant show-off." God: "Then don't be an arrogant show-off. I don't want this for you either. Uh, remind me again what the problem is here?"

It's so simple! But I struggle with the simple things the most. I think this is because:

I once read something to the effect of, the more unfathomable God's mysteries, the more fruit which can be gained by them. This is because, the intellect, the senses, experience, can not offer anything regarding these mysteries-- therefore, they will do nothing but obscure whatever God is actually speaking through them.

This is why simple souls are often the most holy. What God wants for me is to become simple. "Blessed are the poor in spirit", as we heard last Sunday at Mass. The great interior battle I'm fighting is against my own mind. God, help me to become simple!

Thanks to all of you for your prayers-- oftentimes I feel like I don't deserve them, or feel worthy of all the kindness shown to me, and all of the blessings from our Father. But thank you, from the bottom of my heart.