I've been under a lot of stress recently, which is making it difficult to relax. Almost feels like a full-time job, just trying to figure all of this out! I think if I can write it all out, it will help me offer the discomfort up to the Lord:

• I start at my new job on October 13. It's job I think I'll love, which is great, and which is why I took it.


• The job's pay is highly variable depending on how much travel is involved. With no travel, it's a substantial pay cut from what I make now. With thirty percent travel, which is the likely estimate for this role which they gave me, it's a significant pay raise from what I make currently. We're talking a swing of over $60k per year from zero travel, to thirty percent travel.


• Common sense tells me that there will be a period of time, perhaps even many months, where I won't be traveling at all, as I get onboarded. This is speculation on my part, but it stands to reason.


• My wife also lost her job very recently. She is done at the end of the month. That's between $500 and $1500 worth of lost income per month.


• The previous two bullets mean I will probably have a period of time where I will need to pay the bills on a fraction of the income I'm used to.


• The good news is that I get paid full-time severance from my old employer, through the end of June 2026. If the travel for my new job can ramp up before that ends, I should be fine. But if it doesn't, I could be in real trouble cash flow-wise.


• Compounding the uncertainty is that my new employer does not offer a conventional health insurance plan. Actually, what they offer is much better for most people: it's a paid-for-by-the-company "pay as you go" sort of deal, for preventative care and for large unexpected expenses. For most of their employees, this saves them an unfathomable amount of money, not having to pay for health insurance.


• The problem is, my wife has lots of health issues, and depends on these thousands of dollars per month-- if paid out-of-pocket-- infusions of a particular drug. This means we will need to buy our own health insurance. I should get some kind of estimate for what this will cost next week; I'm working with a local company to help me figure it out. It could be $2000 per month, or more, of which my employer will pay $250 per month.


• Simultaneously, I was hit with a $4400 car insurance bill, for six months. My insurance agent accidentally added my daughter to the policy as a licensed driver, even though she presently only has her permit. The bill goes from $4400 down to $2700, with her removed. $2700 is still a "family bankrupting" level of expense, just to insure motor vehicles for six months.


• I kicked off conversations with a broker yesterday, who is going to price shop car insurance and home owner's insurance bundles for me. I should also find out about that next week. The good news is that I've run my information through a few different car insurance aggregation sites, such as "The Zebra", and got estimates as low as $1271 for six months. So I'm hoping this broker can come through for me.


• But if they can't, there is an alarming aspect: are my kids going to be able to drive at all? Imagine once I try to add both of my kids to the car insurance in a few years. What's that going to cost-- $15,000 per year? It'll be so expensive, it's probably cheaper for them to take a cab to and from work every day, versus having driver's licenses. Or to rent a car or something.


• In conclusion, there is a lot of uncertainty regarding my short-term financial situation. I'm not used to having to stress about money-- welcome to the club, I guess.


• From here you start to get into the non-financial concerns: will I get accepted to the diaconate program? If so, will my travel schedule permit me to study enough? Will I still have enough time to spend with my family?

Here's to hoping I can relax a little this afternoon and tonight.